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| i am haunted by my past regrets. they are always there, always watchfull, and always waiting for me to slip up. when it happens, every time, i feel as though i am completely alone. i am talking to someone who needs me and yet i feel completely alone. it sucks. how can i be so fucked up that the grass is always greener? how can i always think that things are going to get better and yet they never do? in fact, they usually just get worse. i want to say as many hello's as i can so that i can feel as if i have a friend. i want to know everyone, yet i can't find it in myself to send a wave. i want to be like everyone else, yet i despise everything they all stand for. i am not I. i am simply HERE. nothing makes a difference to me because, whatever it is, it will always be bad. no matter the strength, no matter the courage, no matter the heart, soul, and love that it breathes. it's never enough. you are never enough. don't you get it? don't you see? you will never be enough for me. i chose how my life was going to be when i decided that i was too good for some people. i hate it. i hate it so much. this pesters me. how everyone can be so happy and can be so loved...just doesnt make any sense. it is foriegn to me. the concept, that is. it is ridiculous.
i only want another shot. i only want another chance
to be something more than what i am. | | |
| what can i say? i officially have a reason to hate you. not just because you hate me, but because you are nothing. how can you whine and bitch about something, then turn around and ignore what your whining and bitching got you? you somehow turned on your "best friend" for absolutely no reason. why? i really want to know why. why would you do something like that? you are the epitomy of ridiculous. i knew this was going to happen. i really did. i knew that something would happen between you and her and i would have to come back and pick of the fragments of what was left of my friend after you desecrated her. i must say, though, that i owe you a few thank you's. thank you for proving yourself wrong. thank you for making my friendship with your "best friend" even stronger. it's girls like you that really show how much a friend can mean. so thanks! i appreciate it very much.
:::oh, and one more thing:::
why would you throw someone away if you knew they would always be there for you, and keep a lousy boyfriend whom you one day hate and the next day love? are you for sure that this boy will always be there? are you sure that he is worth keeping and your best friend is not? you might want to think on that. hope your summer is going great! | | |
| im having one of those days again. one of those days where every time i close my eyes, i wish i was somewhere else. the heat i feel in my face represents the time i lost when i sliced the first time. bliss and harmony. when next i was lost and conused, i did turn to this same method. i did turn and it did turn me away. i confess. to everything, to anything; as long as it means nothing to you anymore. im sorry to those i hurt. you know i hurt myself more. somtimes i think i like to hurt you on purpose, and then i realize that, i dont think... i know. time is so short and i hate to cut it shorter. if hate means i dont care anymore, then yes i suppose that statement would be accurate. jst let go. no more pain and no more worries. what i wouldnt give for everything not to be the way it is. i'll tell what i wouldn't give...: there isn't anything. nothing i wouldnt' give. take it how you like. im done. | | |
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